he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
