I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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