ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
