I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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