saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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