The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
