Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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