better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just found a bag of teeth...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
