the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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