HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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