Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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