Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
