my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
