I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
