she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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