I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
