New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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