CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
