Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So squirting runs in the family.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
