in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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