I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
