I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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