we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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