So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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