Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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