idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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