I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Randomize
