It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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