Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
