She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
