So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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