First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
