It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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