Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
