My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
