I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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