Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
