I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We need a shit load of segways right now
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
