I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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