My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Naked. naked and bneed help.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
