My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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