What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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