you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
