how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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