We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
