ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
