Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
