the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
