Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
