first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I can't turn off my feet"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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