why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
