Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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