You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
