you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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