Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
