I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
