remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
