I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Randomize
