Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
