Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
