and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
