Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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