Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
