my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
