Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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