Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
